Chapter 2
Punk Versus Emo: Deciding the Genre
Ronny: What the hell are we supposed to do with this ?! *plucks strings a bit, winces because they are out of tune, and sets the guitar down*
Gerri: I can barely play this thing, let alone keep a steady beat.
Jack: Well .. i guess we could make the best of it. After all, we did get this shit for free, so why not ? *tries figuring out a bass line, but ends up bruising his finger*
Jovi: Why do we need to play .. it's not like there's a purpose in all this. Some dude just showed up and said PLAY THIS ! We don't have to follow some dumb ANRA guy.
*band sits around for a minute contemplating ideas*
*conan stands up with his microphone in his right hand*
Conan: I got it ! We could play in the battle of the bands at The Cave ! That way, earn ourselves a little money.
Ronny: And get laid ?!
Jack: No, Ronny. First we get paid, THEN we get laid.
Jovi: Yeah, and it we don't get paid, we can always go to a strip club.
Gerri: But you're only 17. I proudly sit on 18, bitch. SUCK IT !
Conan: Alright fellas .. get to steppin'. We got a long way to go.
*an hour goes by*
Jack: Uh .. conan .. what the hell are we supposed to play ?
Conan: Like .. whattya mean?
Jack: I mean .. are we playing EMO or PUNK or HARD ROCK or METAL or WHAT ?!?! You didn't specify a Genre !!
Conan: I dunno !! We could, like ..... i dunno, maybe make a hybrid of all things rock.
Jovi: Ah, we can't, it's already been tried and it sucked.
Conan: You're right. Well .. anyone got any ideas ?
Gerri: I suppose we can do hard rock. I do like all the classics. Hendrix .. Van Halen .. the works !
Ronny: But i don't wanna kill it. I mean, a few modern bands tried bringing that back, but they just slaughtered the music. We should stick to our era.
Jovi: Well .. what's in OUR era ?! All there is is Punk and Emo. Nothing else works.
Jack: Actually, there IS Jimmy Eat World, but they're like in their whole different category. It's like Punk .. Emo .. then Jimmy Eat World.
Gerri: DUDE, are you doggin' on Jimmy Eat World ?! I happen to like them !!
Jack: Ah, go whine in the corner, ya pussy. And while you're at it, tell John Mayer's mama i said Hello.
Gerri: Shut up!! Just because they have smooth voices and it's easy listening doesn't mean you gotta hate.
Jack: Stop being a cry baby.
*Jack and Gerri bicker in the corner*
Ronny: ... Anyway ... we need to think of something to get somewhere. Suggestions ?
Conan: We should make a pros and cons list of Punk and Emo. To see which one measures out.
Jovi: Great !! Let's !
*an hour passes by*
*all five boys sitting on the couch with empty notepads*
Jovi: ........... so ............... did you .... did you get anything ?
Gerri: ........................nope ...................... How 'bout you, Ronny ?
Ronny: .......................................... nope.
Conan: ... i think we should -- ... well maybe we can -- ... no, i have nothing
Jack: quick boys, think about that while i grab the red bull
*as Jack walks out, Gerri grabs his wrist*
Gerri: Red Bull ? I thought we all agreed on Monster.
Jack: Oh, please. Only pussies drink Monster.
Gerri: Monster is an Aquired Taste.
Jack: So is your mom. Now shut up and go die or something.
*Jack walks out*
*an hour Later*
Jovi: Well .. does everyone have anything ??
Ronny: I do !! Pros of Punk: Fast, Loud, Alive, and Active in today's society. Cons of Punk: Annoying, harmful (unessecary moshes may cause a few ribs to break), and everyone seems like they're trying to prove something with all the heavy gear .. like studs and chokers. That's just being Scene. And if people say it's hardcore, they just think they're cool.
Conan: OH YEAH !! I HATE THAT !! They're like "i'm ANTI !!" or like .. they dye their hair and wear 5 million belts or vests with patches on it and all that decorative crap, when they're spending about as much time on their image than the music. That's annoying !
Jack: Yeah, man. When did it stop being about the music ??
Jovi: Powerful point, Ronny. But what about Emo ??
Gerri: I can help with that !
Jack: Yeah, cause you're a puss.
Gerri: Your sister's a SILF !
Jack: Sonuvabitch, say that to my face !
Conan: NOW BOYS ! Stick to the task.
Gerri: *ahem* WELL .. Pros to Emo: Poetic, Gets a lotta sympathetic just as equally emo girls that think they connect with the music but really just wanna get laid cause they haven't gotten some in a year but you'll gladly accept the company anyway ...
Jovi: Ooh, that sounds nice.
Gerri: ... Most of the songs are only three chords throughout the whole thing, so the playing will be easy, but for some reason, people will like it.
Jack: It sounds so easy to start an Emo band and make it big. All we gotta do now is grow our hair out long, dye it black, tighten our jeans to about a size 2 in girls, wear the same damn band shirt everyday complete with sweater and a studded belt that goes over nothing. GREAT !
Ronny: Man, it's so easy to be scene.
Conan: The girls aren't too bad, though. Gotta few cute ones in the crowd that will be happy to do us.
Ronny: ... but it's about the music. Music first.
Jack: a few 'Daniels second.
Jovi: YEAH, beer ! (but we're all underaged .............)
Conan: Then girls.
Gerri: HOWEVER !!! The cons of being in an Emo Band: you have to sing songs about break-ups and "feelings"
Jack: Ew, feelings, what the hell are those ?
Jovi: Why Jack, it appears to be some sorta mystic 2,000 year old ancient code. Let's ask a scientist.
*the next 20 minutes*
Jovi: Mister SmartGuy, what are feelings ?
Mister SmartGuy: I don't know.. let me run some tests. I'll get them to ya in about a week.
*a week later*
Jovi: Well ?
Mister SmartGuy: It's when you feel stuff.
5 guys: OHHHHHHHH. That.
Jack: Those are annoying. I hate how girls are all OOoOoOoh DeTaiLs LyKe OmiGoSh teLL Me eVeRyThiNg !! Do they think it's cute or something ?
Ronny: I don't know, but it's annoying as fuck.
Jovi: YEAH, and when you DO tell em, they say "NoOoOo tell me MORE like how did you FEEL and WHAT DID YOU DO?!" It's like "Damn, woman! Back off !!"
Conan: Whatever. Anyway, Gerri, continue with your Cons list for Emo.
Gerri: Well, according to these few CDs i've picked up, something about cutting your wrists and blacking your eyes, and like .. boxes full of sharp object, or whatever.
Jovi: So emo's ALSO harmful ??
Gerri: Yes, but it's Self-inflicted pain .. so it's really stupid.
Ronny: Ohh i hate suicide, that's like the cowardly way out. I'd stand up like a man and fight for anything.
Gerri: Yeah, i know. Well anyway, the other bad thing is that there are some hot girls .. and the other 99.9% are all fat girls that sit at their house in front of the computer sobbing to Senses Fail because they love it so much and Buddy Neilsen is a hero and blah blah they want a boyfriend but they can't cause they're too fat. The works.
Jovi: Hey, now, it's not nice to dog on the fat girls. They can't help it !
Jack: Yeah, but they COULD try and fix it.
Ronny: I don't mind fat girls. They DO have feelings, and they're not all too bad when you get to know em.
Gerri: Just don't feed them cause they could eat your hand.
Jack: Haha, stupid.
Gerri: Well .. there you have it. What are we gonna do ??
Jack: I dunno .. they both seem pretty bad. But if we had to choose, i'd go with punk. Much less cons, and the Oi!'s not all too bad.
Jovi: YEAH but it's HELLA annoying !!! They're like Oi oi oi oi oi !! Like they're fucking seals or something.
Conan: Yeah, it really is. But Oi is a different category, i think.
Ronny: Not really. I hear a few Oi's slipped into the Ramones once in a while.
Conan: Let's not include any Oi's in there. Don't wanna make ourselves look like fools.
Jack: Agreed.
Gerri: So it's Punk versus Emo, then ?
Jovi: Us being punk ..
Jack: .. the world being Emo.
Conan: Alright !! Time to bust those emo queers back to the fiery depths where they belong !!!!!!!!!!
*an hour later*
*all 5 boys sitting on couch with empty notepads*.
Ronny: ............... so ...... you got anything ?
Jovi, Jack, Gerri, and Conan: nnnnnnnnope.
Ronny: *sigh* Great. We are SO ready for this.
